Most of us know the obvious signs of feeling nervous. The butterflies before speaking in front of a room, a racing heart before an important conversation, or that uncomfortable feeling when suddenly all eyes are on you.

Nerves can also show up in much quieter ways. You might find yourself talking more quickly than usual, preparing far more than you need to, losing your train of thought or struggling to find words you know perfectly well. You might say very little in a meeting and then think of everything you wanted to contribute on the way home. Perhaps you replay conversations afterwards, wondering whether you said the right thing or how you came across.

All of these experiences are worth paying attention to. Understanding how nerves show up for you can help you begin to respond to them differently.

What happens in your body?

Our bodies respond naturally when we feel under pressure. Your heart might beat faster, your breathing may become shallower or quicker, and you might notice tension in your shoulders, jaw or hands. Some people feel hot or flushed, others experience a dry mouth, a shaky voice or an unsettled stomach.

These physical responses can be uncomfortable, particularly when you’re also trying to concentrate on a presentation, conversation or situation that matters to you. It can help to understand what your body is doing and become familiar with your own signs. With awareness and practice, it becomes easier to work with those responses and give yourself a little more space.

What happens in your thoughts?

Pressure can affect our thinking too. You may become unusually aware of yourself and start wondering what other people are thinking. A small mistake can suddenly feel very important. You might worry about forgetting something, saying the wrong thing or being judged.

For some people, much of this happens before an event. They spend days anticipating what could go wrong. For others, it happens afterwards, when they replay what happened and focus on the things they wish they had done differently. It can also happen right in the middle of the moment, making it harder to access the knowledge, experience and judgement that usually come naturally.

What do you do differently?

One of the most useful things to notice is whether nerves change your behaviour. You may rush through a presentation, avoid contributing unless you’re completely certain of your answer, speak more quietly, fill silences or over-explain. Perhaps you avoid an opportunity altogether because the thought of being exposed or getting something wrong feels too uncomfortable.

There’s no single pattern. Some people become quieter when they’re nervous, while others talk more. Some freeze and struggle to think, while others speed up. You may feel nerves very physically or experience them mainly through your thoughts.

This is why I’m interested in understanding your experience of nerves. We all bring different experiences, personalities and ways of responding to the situations we find ourselves in.

A useful place to begin is simply to notice. What happens in your body when something matters? Where does your attention go? Does your pace change? What do you find yourself doing that you wouldn’t normally do?

There’s nothing unusual about feeling nervous. It’s part of being human and often appears precisely because something matters to us. Getting to know your own response can give you more choice in what happens next, and more freedom to access the person you already are when you need them most.